Martial Arts Mastery – Life Mastery – Pt 2

I spent many years wasting my time in competition or teaching for free until one day I realised that I wasn’t using my martial arts, only a part of them. I was an incomplete martial artist thinking that martial arts was all about the physical, not comprehending that the other intelligences even applied or that martial arts could improve my life except it helped me beat someone up if they attacked me.

Suddenly I realised how little I knew about martial arts, in fact I didn’t even feel like I’d learned anything about martial arts at all over the previous 20 years of practice! I was wrong to feel this way because with a little thought (mental intelligence) I started to consider the skills used in martial arts against the skills used in life and over time I found them to be the same. This was a huge revelation to me and in part it was exciting and frustrating but at the end of the day you can either learn immediately or eventually as long as you learn. My learning curve came late but it came.

I hate to see martial artists wasting their time by focusing too much on any one area or intelligences, because I know that in the main they genuinely want to master the martial arts and that no matter how sincere they are they never will with their current thinking.

The level of thinking that got you to where you are today is not enough to keep you there – Albert Einstein

These martial artists will potentially waste years as I did and at the end of those years if they learn at all they will have little to show for all their time spent achieving their physical ‘mastery’.

Isn’t it a huge shame to have a skill and not be able to recognise or apply that skill to improving your own life? Yet everyday I meet more and more martial artists who like me were missing the key part of the martial arts message which is to thrive

Martial arts is at its most basic level to survive but its optimum level is to thrive, to excel at all your life not just a part of it. My goal now is to teach my students the real truth about martial arts mastery, including but not exclusively the physical skills because physical skills are not enough.

Excelling at life takes much more than physical skills as I have said and in the long term this will be proved to us as our physical skills deteriorate with age. However our mental skills will last much longer as when we start to deteriorate physically in our mid 30’s we have not even peaked yet in our mental skills. And whilst we must maintain and retain our physical health for as long as we live, the intensity will be reduced partly because we can’t maintain the same level as before and partly because we don’t want to. Our drive and our focus will change and adapt to our needs as we grow older.

My goal is to teach this knowledge to my students at a much earlier stage in their life or martial arts career so they can apply the martial arts skills they learn to their whole life. This way they will become true masters of the martial arts in both combat and life.

Thanks for reading today and I look forward to speaking again soon

Best wishes

Tony Higo

Chief Instructor

National Martial Arts College

0800 0920948

www.nat-mac.co.uk

Call me now to book your first free class and get a FREE 30 day trial membership at the country’s premier martial arts academy – do it now! 0800 092 0948 or book online at http://www.nat-mac.co.uk/www.nat-mac.co.uk/info.php?p=8

Mastering Martial Arts – Mastering Life - Part One

Mastering Martial Arts – Mastering Life - Part One

I have practiced martial arts for over 40 years and whilst I have acquired physical skills over many of those years it is only in recently that I have gained deeper knowledge, what you might call mastery. Sure I can kick and punch, move, have speed and power but these are all physical skills. What I have learned more recently is how important the mental skills are in becoming a master.

In the past I have been put off the mental martial arts because the adherents very often had no physical skills to back them up. Without both physical and mental skills in martial arts equally balanced and developed one will never achieve true martial arts mastery.

When we are young we lack wisdom because wisdom like physical strength and size are built gradually from childhood until adulthood. However, unless we have and use our mental faculties alongside our physical abilities we will never be complete.

All too often I see young people so totally focused on building their physical skills that they completely disregard the mental abilities that are necessary to support them. Having high kicks and strong muscles and being able to win in competition are not the essentials of the master. A six pack may look great but it has nothing to do with martial arts and life success. In fact so many people who I see flaunting their physicality have nothing in life to show for it except perhaps a few worthless tin trophies. Martial arts are not a sport, they are an art and mastery in art is developed using the body and the mind creatively with the goal of improving the quality of life.

If your physical skill is not complementing your life then that is because you are not using your mental skills. Martial arts are nothing without the mental skills of goal setting and planning. Mental skills are developed through thinking about how your martial will be applied to help you thrive.

In the main martial artists are teaching physical skills to help you survive that is; survive a physical attack, but there is much more to life than survival; surviving is easy it is thriving that is the challenge.

Thriving means to not just survive, the meanest animals on earth can do that, surviving means to exist, subsist, get by somehow. Thriving means to master life, flourish and excel which believe me is so much better. Surviving can be as low as being homeless and having to live on handouts whereas thriving is being healthy and wealthy, being way above the bread line.

I often meet martial artists who have spent most of their career on sport and competition, they have stacks of trophies and tons of old photos showing their wins but their life is one of low income, poor relationships and little prospects. The problem is that they spend so much of their time in developing their physicality and intense training that by the time their bodies are too old to compete they have nothing to show for their endeavours.

What I’m saying is that they are out of balance. Balance is a key martial arts skill and without it you can never be a master but if you can’t transfer your skill in physical balance to your life success then you are no master no matter how good your physical skills.

There are 5 key intelligences that are developed and are necessary to gain martial arts mastery and these are:

·        Emotional intelligence

·        Physical intelligence

·        Mental intelligence

·        Spiritual intelligence and finally

·        Holistic intelligence or Balance

Each of these intelligences is essential to developing in both life and martial arts. The ancient masters saw no separation between life and martial arts, to them they were one and the same. My experience has taught me that they were right, every skill that I have learned in martial arts can and is used to improve the quality of my life. I spoke before about the physical martial arts being taught as survival and often they are taught by so called masters who are not much more than surviving themselves. What do these masters know of martial arts if they are not themselves thriving? The answer is, very little.

Conversely I see martial artists who are not physical enough. Fat, out of condition and without any experience of real combat they look about as dangerous as a bank manager! That’s not to say that a martial artist cannot be a master without having real fights in the street but without some realism they will and often do, not have enough idea of what it takes to defend themselves in a vicious street fight.

Competition is one way of getting a taste of reality as long as one bears in mind that even the most brutal martial sports have rules that the street does not. Once again it comes down to balancing the various skills that are necessary but first we must know what they are and how to use them.

Thanks for reading today and I look forward to speaking again soon

Best wishes

Tony Higo

Chief Instructor

National Martial Arts College

0800 0920948

www.nat-mac.co.uk

Call me now to book your first free class and get a FREE 30 day trial membership at the country’s premier martial arts academy – do it now! 0800 092 0948 or book online at http://www.nat-mac.co.uk/www.nat-mac.co.uk/info.php?p=8

Conceding to Your Children

One of the most pathetic things I see parents do is to concede to their children demands. What I mean is that they ‘give in’ to their children’s demands; they roll over and submit to their child simply because they cannot stand to hear them scream, cry whinge or moan. 

I've seen some big tough adults brought to their knees by a 30lb kid!  I had parents sit in front of me with a 5 year old child (many times) saying ‘well I wouldn’t want him to do anything he didn’t want to do’. Well, how realistic is that? Often I’ve said ‘do you send him to school when he doesn’t want to go?’ of course they do. Why? Because it’s the law. But what if he wants to quit an activity that you think is good for him? Do you let him or do you make him keep going because its in his best interest? 

Many parents I come across let their children quit because the pain of trying to make them do something they don’t want to do is too much for them to bear. This is probably why we get so many people these days doing nothing with their lives because they’ve have been taught that quitting is acceptable. They basically quit everything they try once it starts getting a bit tough. But if we allow our children to quit we are not only teaching them to under achieve in life we're also saying that they know best and fact is they don't! Why? Because they're just a kid!

As a parent we are expected to know best because we’re older, more experienced and better educated. Let’s face it isn’t this the basic qualification to be a parent? 

However so many parents who should know better concede to the wishes of their children when they know they shouldn't but the price they’d have to pay to make their child do what they want is too high for them to pay. The screams and tantrums are too much for the parent to bear so they let them have what they want. 

And guess what happens the next time the kid wants something that her mum or dad can’t afford or don’t agree with? The kid has his weapons already in place – he screams and shouts till he gets what he wants and the more often he does it the quicker he gets it. 

This might seem more acceptable when a child is small and difficult to reason with but as they get older they still use the same behaviour to get what they want. In fact haven’t we all come across adults who do the same thing? Big spoilt babies who bully their way through life because their petulant behaviour has worked in the past when their parents shouldn’t have allowed it in the first place.

So here’s the drill – if your child wants to quit something that you don’t agree with, or wants something that you feel isn't for the best then make a decision about it and that decision becomes the law. 

In your home you make the laws but remember, a law isn’t a law unless it is enforced. So not only must you make the laws you must also be ready to enforce them too. If you’re not ready to enforce your own laws then you’ll pay a heavy price in the long run and so will others too. You'll pay for your neglect and wimpy parenting in fact most of the young people causing trouble for others; getting into crime, drugs etc are the children of parents who either, didn’t; demand good behaviour or enforce proper rules and discipline in the home. When you concede to your child in the wrong circumstances you are potentially creating a monster!

Now this is not to say that we should be completely intransigent, there are times where your child may have a perfectly valid point and you must be prepared to listen to this too. It takes balance and judgement to be a good parent and you must sometimes make hard decisions that your emotions or temper contradict.

So in summary; set standards and laws for your home. Obey them yourself and expect make sure your children do the same no matter how much kicking and screaming they do when they don’t like it. Be fair and be prepared to be tough but also be prepared to listen too.

The upside of this is the quality of the adult you will produce as a result of your firm but fair judgment, an adult who will in the long run thank you for your tough but fair love.

Thank you for reading today and I look forward to speaking to you again soon 

Best wishes

Tony Higo

Chief Instructor

National Martial Arts College

www.nat-mac.co.uk

0800 0920948

Another Habit of Highly Ineffective Parents - Consulting

As I've mentioned before I work with many parents many good ones and some bad ones. Not intentionally bad they just don't have much experience with bringing up children and bringing up children along with being a great lover are two things in life where we are expected to excel yet we receive no training in either. I am being facetious but there is quite a bit of truth in what I say. We don't get much training in life skills unless we go looking for it and if you don't know it’s out there, where do you look? Bringing up children is a key life skill; it’s the life skill of communication; our ability to successfully communicate with others, in this case our own children.

Although many of us have children, how many of us really know how to communicate with them? Often I see that grandparents have a better approach to raising children, probably because they've seen it all before and now are not so near to the problem. Other times I see parents who treat their children as something that hangs around the house being noisy and every time they appear they're packed off to their room to watch TV or play on their computer. These kinds of parents take a laissez faire attitude to parenting pretty much leaving them to their own devices. I also meet children of parents who are immigrants, Indian, Chinese or Jewish and see how their children are well behaved and a pleasure to be around. Their parents often have a great work ethic, believe passionately in education and structure their children's future from day one, probably because the family unit and structure and hierarchy is firmly established through many thousands of generations.

Some parents take great care to treat their children with respect, involving them in all the decision processes of the family and these are the ones who are practicing the bad habit of - Consulting. 

Consulting ones children about family decisions sounds on the face of it to be a caring and sensible thing to do doesn't it, and it can be except when your child is too young to know what is good and what is not. Kids are young, developing their minds, thoughts and ideas and the younger they are the less developed their thought processes are. They are less able to consider consequences of cause and effect - in short they don't have enough life experience to make a decision. For instance if you asked a child if they'd like to have Xmas everyday they'd probably say yes, but an adult knows that this would simply devalue the experience to such a degree that it would become dull and lack lustre. Kids base their decisions on what is best for them and struggle when they are young to take themselves out of the equation and consider other people. This is obvious stuff isn't it? And gradually over the years as the child grows and develops she builds up her life experience and ability to make well informed and considered decisions and opinions. 

However, I have more than once listened to a concerned parent ask their 5 year old about making a decision: 'It’s a lot of money Johnny for Mummy to pay, are you sure you'll stick with it for 6 months?' The kid nods enthusiastically 'ok then but you have to promise Mummy and Daddy that you'll stick with it'. Then the same parent comes back to say 'he doesn't want to do it any more.' Well he has to do it; he made a promise didn't he?' "I know, but I wouldn't him to do anything he didn't want to do". This might sound stupid to most parents but you might be surprised at how often I deal with parents who consult their children about decisions that they have no concept about the consequences of. What do kids know about money? You as a parent have bottomless pockets filled with money haven't you? No? Well your kids think you have don't they? But then they've never worked a 50 hour week in a job they don't like for a boss who bullies the have they? They don't understand because they are too young and inexperienced. So why do parents ask them about a subject that they don't understand? Let's face it this kid is still counting the days to Xmas in 'sleeps'! 6 months? They have no concept of how long that is or what is involved in keeping a promise. Parents consult their children because they assume that because their kids can speak and communicate that they have more intelligence than they have. I have three dogs and I often speak to them using sentences like 'would you like to go for a walk?' and they eagerly wag their tails appearing to understand but all they heard was a word, 'walk' which they learned usually precedes getting out of the house. Sometimes they look at me as if they know exactly what I'm talking about, but they don't! Kids are much more intelligent than dogs but they still don't understand much about life which is why we look after them till they're almost 20 years old, 20 years in which they have the time to build life experience and make good decisions. As a good parent you wouldn't let a young child cross a busy road and by the same measure neither should we consult them about decisions concerning things they have insufficient knowledge about such as time and commitment. 

I like parents who look to find things their child might enjoy and that also will benefit them in the long run, but also make sure that their child commits to and sticks with when things start getting a bit tough too. Parents who are willing to stand by their decisions that they've made for their children even in the face of tantrums! I hate wimpy parents who consult their children about decisions that they're not qualified to make and then let the child off the hook when he won't commit to seeing the decision through. 

So consider carefully when you ask your child about making a decision that affects your money, time or even where the family moves house to. What experience can your child bring to the table? If the answer is very little then don't consult them in the first place. I'm not saying that you shouldn't tell your child what is happening in the life of the family, by all means keep them informed of what's going on but when it comes to deciding what is the best for the family you as a parents and adults are the only ones with the necessary life experience to make such decisions. 

Gradually as your child gets older let them be involved in decision making but also feel free to disagree with their contribution if you have to, just explain to them why you aren't taking their offering without insulting their intelligence or letting them lose face. Like any good leader a parent has to sometimes make tough decisions that are questioned by their subordinates and like any good leader a parent will sometimes doubt you and also get things wrong. Both of which will happen fro time to time and which you will be reminded of later.

Thanks for reading today and I look forward to speaking with you again soon 

Best wishes

Tony Higo

Chief Instructor

National Martial Arts College

www.nat-mac.co.uk

0800 0920948

Bad Habit Number Six - Contentiousness

Some people love to play devil’s advocate. I had a friend years ago who constantly challenged his work mates over what they did and how they reacted.

If they expressed an opinion he would challenge and mock what they said. Now it might feel great to be right and as the old saying goes ‘a man who is right is a majority of one’ but being contentious with other people is an unattractive habit. Barristers in court do it to challenge the statements of witnesses in a search for the truth. But when they get home to their loved ones they might be tempted to do the same and this can account for the high percentage of divorce cases amongst people in the legal profession.

John Humphries is a great interviewer on Radio 4 he really pressures politicians with his incisive questions about their policies and you can feel their discomfort often. I’m often amazed at their self control under the fire of his aggressive questioning of every one of their answers to his barrage of questions.

But I’m sure that Mr Humphries knows not to adopt this tactic with his family as it’s a sure fire way to end up living alone without any friends.

Do you constantly challenge your child over what they do? Do you pride yourself on knowing better and tripping them up over what they say? Do your children dread telling you anything about their day because you contend every little part of what they say, correcting their errors or challenging their opinions? Remember our children are immature and not fully grown. They are gradually developing their personality and learning to deal with their world.

Teenagers can say the most ridiculous things and express ideas that are not well thought out but if you contend every little thing they say you are not helping them to develop considered and well though out ideas.

Instead you are teaching them that you don’t care about them, that they are in a constant state of being wrong. And if they cannot be right in your presence they’ll stay out of your presence avoiding your company, spending hours in their bedroom or out with their friends, instead of becoming your friend.

Our children need our support and guidance not our constant disapproval. By constantly disapproving of what they do you make them wrong. At best this will harm their confidence and at worst it can seriously alienate them from you and others around them.

Homework

1.                Think before you speak – once again it’s a simple answer to the problem. It doesn’t mean listen to a load of old nonsense and appear to agree with it, it means that you can allow them to let off steam and say what they think but think before you react to what they say

2.                You don’t always have to say anything – listen, nod and maybe make a comment such as ‘I agree with some of what you say, but everybody is different and we need to make allowance for that’

Your job is to show your child how to be a leader not a follower and as their leader you have to think before you speak and consider the impact of what you say.

When your child realises that you don’t know all the answers but that you do take a sensible approach to answering them they will be more inclined to copy what you do.

If you challenge and contend everything they say they will also learn to do that too and that’s ok if you’re a lawyer but only in the right situation. In the home you have to learn to be considerate and respectful of their opinions and actions. Remember your behaviour should be a demonstration of how you want your child to behave.

Thanks for reading today and I look forward to speaking next time on the '7th Bad Habit of Highly Ineffective Parents'

Best wishes

Tony Higo

Chief Instructor

National Martial Arts College

www.nat-mac.co.uk

0800 0920948

Whenever You Complain You Make a Victim of Yourself

One of the least attractive of human traits is complaining. We all know people who we avoid because they constantly moan and complain about their lives, friends, family, the government and more. Now don’t get me wrong we all have our moments when it comes to complaining about things that have happened to us but we learn to ‘rein in’ our moaning because it doesn’t help the situation and its not fun to listen to.

So think about it – how often does your child hear you complain about their behaviour, ability or habits? How attractive do you sound to them when you complain at them? The answer is- Not very!

Eventually they just shut off and stop listening to you at all and that means they listen to almost nothing that you say. You’ve then not only lost your message but also damaged your relationship with your child who could one day grow up to be a good and loyal friend to you.

Also much of what your child does in life will be either embracing or rejecting your behaviours and if you want them to model your behaviour then work to be as positive toward their behaviour as possible.

That doesn’t mean giving them a big cuddle when they kick over Mrs Jones’s refuse bin next door. It means staying calm and dealing with the situation in a thoughtful manner. Sure you might be angry but shouting won’t help. Shouting just teaches your child to do the same.

Remember most bullies have been or are, bullied, they are copying behaviour that they have learned and if you go off at the deep end whenever your kids do anything wrong then you’re teaching them to do the same aren't you? 

We all have the urge to gripe and complain about things from time to time and  often this is just getting things off our chests which is ok. But when you complain to someone you are not only griping but also hurting and with your children this is the last thing you should be doing. 


Remember that what you say cannot be taken back and in a position of such influence as you are with your children you should consider how long these words stay with them. A brief moaning mood where you complain for a few moments at your son or daughter could stay with them for a lifetime.

Homework

1.                Identify when you are complaining – what do you say, what subjects set you off?

2.                Shut up! – bite your tongue and try to say something positive instead.

Neither of these two is easy because complaining like the other 6 Bad Habits that I’m talking about now is an emotional response. Our emotions are important to our survival instincts; they are the alarm bells that fire us into action. But our emotions can cause us to over react and need to be controlled by our intellect and ability to reason out our issues.

If you are an emotional person and you recognise this then practice techniques to take you out of your emotional zone and back into your calm state. This is not an issue I want to pursue here and there are many books available or you could seek help and advice through your doctor in serious cases. For the purposes of this blog let’s just make you aware of the behaviour and recognise it when you are using it with your children.


Thanks for reading today and I look forward to chatting again soon


Best wishes


Tony Higo
Chief Instructor
National Martial Arts College
www.nat-mac.co.uk
0800 092 0948


Book a free lesson today at www.nat-mac.co.uk

‘No One So Thoroughly Appreciates the Value of Constructive Criticism as The One Who's Giving It’

Like most things that we do that are negative we are often trying to be positive. Our intention is to help not harm, it’s just that we don’t put ourselves in the other persons’ shoes and actually feel the effect that our comments are having.

 Let’s face it, how would you feel if people were constantly telling you that whatever you do is wrong?

‘Don’t do it like that?’ 

'Don’t be stupid’ 

‘You can’t go out like that’ 

‘Your handwriting is terrible’ 

‘When are you going to grow up?’ 

Sound familiar? It’s just your emotions talking unchecked and emotions are purely reactive. Reaction is without thinking which is good if you have to jump out of the way of an oncoming car but bad if you simply say the first thing that comes into your head. Criticism is reactive and therefore thoughtless. 

Try to think before you speak and consider the effect you want to have instead of not thinking at all. Instead of criticising everything your child does, judging their every move why not try thinking first what you want to achieve by what you are saying? Think about it – if your child is afraid of the dark you might say ‘don’t be a baby there’s nothing there to be afraid of.’

 Instead try to say it in a way that will build there confidence for instance ‘I was the same when I was your age (empathy) but I grew out of it eventually and you will too and like me you'll see there is nothing to fear’ this is no longer a criticism but an observation that you are similar and have experienced the same problems and telling your child that they’ll get through it like you did de-emphasises their fear and tells them that things will get better.

So you key behaviour here is ‘think before you speak ‘ Yes but he’s doing it all the time!’ I hear you say and I know you are sick and tired of it, but it’s a purely emotional response from you and it’s not helping your child to do anything but resent you. So think before you speak and if what you say is not going to support them then keep your mouth shut!

We're all here to make mistakes aren't we? I mean if we get things right first time what have we learned? Nothing! If there is such a thing as a 'meaning of life' then I think it could be - Try, have a go, and see what happens. there's not much else to do in life but have a go and your child is doing exactly that. Unfortunately the way they're doing it is wrong in your eyes, well let's face it you're not exactly perfect yourself are you?

Here are two words to avoid when criticising: always and never. These are two words that hardly belong in any sentence because they can hardly ever be true. But when they are applied toward criticism that can unduly emphasise the negative behaviour you're trying to correct. 

Imagine the power of your criticism when you include always for instance, as in: 'you're always doing that!' it does add an air of permanency to the statement or try this one 'you never clean your toys up!' Suddenly the kid is not just in the wrong but it looks like he always has been. And we wonder why adults are so screwed up! 

So think about what you say to your children. What is your message? Is it born out of frustration or concern? Does it need a re-think, perhaps a deep breath as you count to 10 and try to form your concern into something that will not only correct the behaviour but also NOT put your child permanently in the wrong. I thought today I would add some homework tips on how to correct negative critical behaviour so here goes:

Homework

1.                Think about how you speak to your children and how you criticise them

2.                Think about where you learned your behaviour. Perhaps it was from your parents.

3.                Think also about what effect it had on you and how you then felt about your parents

4.                Make a conscious effort for one week to stop criticising without thinking. 

5.    Stop yourself blurting out what you think and turn it around into something positive and say that instead

I hope you enjoyed today's blog and I look forward to speaking with you again tomorrow. 

best wishes

Tony Higo

Chief \Instructor

National Martial Arts College

www.nat-mac.co.uk

0800 0920948

There is No Nobility in Being Superior to Another Person...

Our children are not us. They don’t have our experiences and haven’t had to learn perhaps, to be tough like we did.

But also we do live in a world of abundance and not scarcity, there’s plenty of everything to go around. That means you don’t have to compete with them because to be frank, you’ll lose in the long run. You’re getting older and they’re getting stronger. You can’t be better than they are forever because one day they’ll be bigger than you and able to do things that you can’t do.

Your kids are not you and they’re not in competition with you and they’ll only think they are if you teach them to be by childish behaviour like competing.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote:

 ‘There is no nobility in being superior to another human being. The only nobility comes from being superior to who were yesterday’. 

Its true when you think about it isn’t it?

But so much of popular culture these days teaches us to compete against each other: football, rugby, tennis, singers, actors, politicians. The media constantly bombard us with competitive messages about who’s winning at this and who’s losing at that.

Let’s face it if they didn’t they’d have nothing to talk about at all and no papers to sell as a result.

Now think about it – if you are better than someone else at something – what does that prove? It proves that on a given day at a given time at a given task you did better than someone else. Wow! How impressive – NOT!

Don’t focus on what others do, focus on what you do. Compete with yourself because at the end of the day it’s the only measure of your progress as you are the only constant in the equation.

Thanks for reading today and tomorrow we'll look at another bad habit that we often have

Best wishes

Tony Higo

Chief Instructor

National Martial Arts College

www.nat-mac.co.uk

0800 0920948

Join us and re-ignite your life! www.nat-mac.co.uk

‘The Source Of All Unhappiness Is Comparison’

It’s true; if we are not careful we can easily fall into the cancerous habit of comparing ourselves against others: size, weight, looks, job, income, home, and car. Come on, let’s face it we’re doing it all the time aren’t we? You know it’s true!

And we compare our kids against each other too. Brothers against sisters, older kids against younger kids, we do it constantly don’t we?

Does this scenario sound familiar?

‘Why can’t you be more like your brother?’ Or ‘Why can’t you be more like your sister?’

We even compare ourselves against our kids. In fact I talked with a dad just a few days ago who constantly compared himself to his 8 yr old son:

‘Y’see I had to stick up for myself when I was a kid, but he’s so soft he lets people walk all over him’

And the kid was in the room at the time! What message is his father giving him? Not a good one that’s for sure.

How does the kid feel when his Dad, his hero, thinks he’s soft? Knowing his dad doesn’t rate him as a human being? It’s not exactly the way to build confidence in your children is it?

So here’s the drill – 

Stop Comparing Your 

Children With Anyone Else.

  

Our children are unique individuals and whilst they may not do things the way you do, it’s not right to make them feel less than you or anyone else is it?

Now I admit there are certain skills that your child needs to acquire in life if he or she is going to benefit from your experience.

But there are ways to communicate your message that will EMPOWER your child and build a foundation that he or she can lean on knowing that they have your unconditional love and support.

And let’s face it we all want our children to do better than we did, don’t we? Of course and they will whilst aspiring to be just like you IF you think about what you say and stop comparing them to others.

Take joy in their individuality and work to develop their strengths and eliminate their weaknesses and you’ll have great children and great relationships with them.

Thanks for reading today

Tomorrow we're looking at another killer behaviour that we parents indulge in

Best wishes

Tony Higo

Chief Instructor

National Martial Arts College

ww.nat-mac.co.uk

0800 0920948

Why Are My Children Such a Problem and How Can I fix Them?

Isn’t it true though? We love our children dearly but don’t you wish sometimes you could go back and fix them? I mean go right back to basics and start again from the beginning? Let’s face it as parents we don’t have any training in parenting, psychology or human behaviour, we just raise our kids the best way we can. Mostly we raise them in two distinct ways: How our parents raised us and exactly the opposite of how our parents raised us.

Parenting is emotionally draining and it’s not the only job we’ve got. Let’s face it we have a lot of stress as parents; managing house, home, work school, bills and planning for the future. We face redundancy, job loss, illness, bankruptcy and more in these times of high stress, so managing the kids often comes a little down the line in order of priority. To be honest they often don’t see the best of us. They just some grumpy old beggar who disagrees with everything they say and do.

This grumpy image is no way to be seen by our children. It’s not who we really are and it’s borne of trying our best to stop our kids from making the same mistakes as we did. But we often try too hard & stress so much that we get the opposite of the result we really want.

In my years of working with parents and children in my martial arts career I’ve discovered effective ways to heal the breach between us and our children and it comes down to 5 simple mistakes that we need to stop making. That’s the good news and there are simple ways to help you help your children but they’re not easy to do and that’s the bad news.

However, once you’re aware of what these mistakes are you’ll be able to build a strategy based on knowing when you are breaking the rules. The really good news is that in time you’ll get better and better at controlling your behaviour and so will your kids!

So what are these magical secrets, these silver bullets? Well here they are - the ‘Six  Destructive Habits’ that you use on your kids that do them absolutely no good at all – Ready? Join me tomorrow to find out more

best wishes

Tony Higo

Chief Instructor

National Martial Arts College

0800 0920948

www.nat-mac.co.uk 

The Paradoxical Commandments

Today I thought you might enjoy at look at these commandments originally attributed to Mother Teresa

1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.

Love them anyway.

2. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

3. If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

3. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

4. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

5. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

6. People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

7. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

8. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

9. Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.


Hope you enjoyed them


Tony Higo
Chief Instructor
National Martial Arts College
0800 092 0948
www.nat-mac.co.uk

The Law of Surprise

The law of surprise states that 'when anything happens suddenly it creates a sense of shock, even if its expected'. there are two types of surprise, good ones and bad ones. No body likes bad ones and perhaps that's why we enjoy the 'known' in our lives and why people don't often like change because it brings with it a 50% chance of having a nasty surprise.

Surprise creates a moment of shock and shock is a moment of inaction while the brain adjusts and tries to make sense of what has just happened. During this 'shock' period we are unable to function and are for a while in a state of 'freeze'. Even afterwards our minds keep going back over the events trying to resolve what occurred and very shocking events can take years to recover from.

In combat a fighter knows the effects of surprise and her intention is to create surprise in order to produce this moment of shock thereby creating confusion in ones opponent; confusion creates inaction and action always beats inaction.

Surprise can be created in a number of ways using simple surprise tactics as starting before anyone expects you to or even at all. Another method is through deception. Yagya Munenori the famous sword master said that all martial arts is based on deception this is probably true as almost any successful attack or defence relies on the fact that it should be successful in its aim. the fact that it is or is not that a sense of surprise is thereby created.

In martial arts deception means using feints, fakes, draws, re-directions etc to land effective attacks, but in life? How does Surprise help us in our daily life? In negotiations surprise and deception may be more obvious as it more closely aligns with the competitive elements of life. Sometimes we can take actions, succeed or fail and surprise ourselves and those around us by either succeeding or failing when the expected result was the opposite of what happened.

But what about deception in life? Deception generally is not a technique to be admired but perhaps this is not how we use deception in a fulfilling and co-operative life that works with others and not against them. Perhaps deception in life is how we deceive ourselves that we are either better or worse than we are or that we are doing something that we are really not, appearing on the outside to be pursuing a goal when in reality we are coasting and fearing to take action.

What about other deceptions such as lies and untruths that we tell to others? some people say that we must always tell the truth even if it hurts whereas others say telling a lie is ok when it protects someone from pain. Sometimes we are better not knowing the truth if the truth will only cause us pain. Even when it come to telling a terminally ill patient the truth about his condition. Is he better to know or not? That is a larger philosophical question than I want to discuss today and frankly I doubt any discussion could come up with a result that would please everybody.

Would you deceive a friend to protect them from pain? Do you deceive yourself or know someone who is right now lying to themselves so that they don't have to face up to the truth?

Deception by its nature is a surprise only when it is discovered. The difference between surprise and deception I suppose is the intention behind it. A deception is a surprise but a surprise is not always a deception, a deception is a creation by a person whereas a surprise can happen either by intent or accident.

Either way in life and martial arts we must understand the nature of both in order to protect ourselves from the bad ones and arm ourselves for those that we can use. In either case knowing how to use them and recognise when they are being used is important and a useful tool to help us succeed.

So perhaps today we can surprise ourselves in a good way because no one likes a bad surprise and everyone likes a nice surprise, so surprise yourself with what you are capable of so that even if you intend to do it when it happens it can still be a surprise.

Thanks for reading today and I look forward to speaking to you again tomorrow. In the meantime if you want to learn more about the topics I have been discussing give me a call on 0800 0920948 or visit us online at www.nat-mac.co.uk

Best wishes

Tony Higo
National Martial Arts College
0800 092 0948
www.nat-mac.co.uk

The Best Weapon Has the Sharpest Edge - The Law of the Lead

In martial arts the law of the lead states that ‘every good weapon has a sharp edge’. This is a more specific law relating to martial arts mastery but as with all martial arts laws it does have its uses in daily life. The law of the lead is related to many other laws which support it and which it supports such as the law of priority, proximity, leverage, speed and power and is a sub-law of speed and surprise.

The law of the lead means creating a leading edge to each attack or defence. By doing this we create several inbuilt advantages:

1.     By creating  lead side we create a closer side to our opponent which aids proximity, speed and leverage

·        By having one side closer to our opponent we reduce his chances of grabbing both hands to control us or both sides of our body

·        We create a fast side which can be utilised more quickly in attack and defence

·        We create a side that can easily perform set ups, feints, fakes, draws and parries

2.     A lead side creates a rear side which carries power and the ability to turn easily

·        The lead side creates a rear side  which carries great leverage to deliver the most powerful of strikes and kicks which though slower because of their greater distance to travel are nonetheless more powerful.

·        The ability to turn and escape is easier if one foot is forward and one behind

·        Turning throws and the ability to re-direct attacks is greater if one foot is forward and one behind

·        By placing one foot forward and one behind we maximise our lifting ability of an opponent for lifting throws and takedowns

3.     A lead side presents a smaller target to ones opponent and therefore makes one more difficult to attack

·        A lead side presents an edged side making attacks to vulnerable areas more difficult

·        The centre line is protected by taking it out of the angle of first attack

·        A left lead creates an initial of lead target that consists of muscle and bone rather than soft tissue and nerve endings which accumulate around the centre line

4.     The law of the lead allows half step footwork which promotes caution in movement

·        A created leading edge side allows to put the least vulnerable side toward ones opponent

·        Half step footwork allows the leading edge side to be maintained and thereby all its advantages also

·        Half step footwork allows cautious movement forward which reduces the chances of walking onto ones opponents attack which full steps would increase the likelihood of

5.     The law of the left lead utilises the fact that most people are right handed therefore the majority of frontal assaults can be predicted

·        Most people are right handed therefore 85% of frontal assaults will be with the right hand and statistically even left handed people are prone to favour right handed attacks

·        By knowing this we can predict with high probability what a first attack will be and to where (head)

6.     By creating a lead side we can step into this position in the event of danger and thereby be prepared for it.

·        This knowing of the probability means we can create space between ourselves and our potential aggressor without appearing aggressive or submissive

·        This position puts one into a position which affords a strategic advantage over ones opponent before any trouble starts

7.     By creating a lead side, particularly a left lead we afford greater protection to the vulnerable centre line from first attacks

·        Centre line contains more than 10 highly vulnerable areas any of which, if struck can render one unconscious or at least stunned

·        By creating a leading edge we position ourselves well to attack our aggressors vulnerable centre line

In life we can create a leading edge advantage by understanding how others will react in certain situations: fear, embarrassment, loss of face, blame etc. we can learn from the half steps of the leading edge by taking ‘baby steps’ into new areas of potential risk, exercising due caution but taking action nonetheless. Leading edge also means not jumping in with both feet or revealing ones whole strategy to an opponent by placing only a small part at risk. Think for instance of a risk investment. A foolhardy investor will take risk at face value and either not move at all or move too quickly or invest too much money and leave nothing to spare. A wise investor moves cautiously until the full risk is known and never puts everything he has on the line. Instead he risks less and banks the gains for future investments.

Consider areas of your life where you jump in too deep too quick or where you put yourself in the way of risk or not at all. Remember that ‘fools rush in where angels fear to tread’ and remember that angels are immortal and fools are often dead. Move forward certainly but never too fast or too blindly.

I have spent more time today than usual discussing the martial arts in this law as it applies more strongly to martial arts. Being a sub law of several others it is therefore more specific and less general. However you can plainly see the metaphor as it applies to your daily life and how you might be living it without a thorough understanding of the law of the lead.

Thanks for reading today and I look forward to speaking to you again tomorrow

Best wishes

Tony Higo

Chief Instructor

National Martial Arts College

0800 092 0948

www.nat-mac.co.uk